Sunday, September 23, 2007
Friday, September 14, 2007
What I Did Today, Was For Friendship...
This is me.
What is not me, is to fight hard for my friendships...
I'm doing so right now, because this one is worth it...
If it goes, it will not be because I was too scared to face up to the problems, like last time...
The next time, I will be stronger, braver and faster...
Life... it's a learning experience... we are all just learning as we go along...
What is not me, is to fight hard for my friendships...
I'm doing so right now, because this one is worth it...
If it goes, it will not be because I was too scared to face up to the problems, like last time...
The next time, I will be stronger, braver and faster...
Life... it's a learning experience... we are all just learning as we go along...
Tuesday, September 11, 2007
Amidst all the pointless work in life...
I had a conversation with a colleague today. It's moments like this that you would remember for a long time, one of those incidents that, upon reflection decades later, you realise that it was a direction marker, one that would pretty much guide the next phase of my life...
He told me that many years ago, just after he came back from his university studies, as a scholar, he was asked one of those standard 'scholarly' questions, "What is your guiding philosophy in life?" He answered that it would be such that, every 2-3 years, when he asked himself what is his aim, it would be entirely different. This would indicate that there was a certain focal point in his life, and that he had accomplished what he set out to do, and move on to other things. He termed this his "chapters", that every 2-3 years, he would move on to a different chapter, a different part of life, as his goals change with his experiences.
That struck me. Hard. I mean, WOW! It's almost completely in opposition to the way I've been living... I think, in my entire life, I have always been focused on 1 or 2 main things, which never changed. It has always been vague targets, and each and every year, it was a variation of the same old, same old. To the point of obsession. Yet, sub-consciously, there was an inherent understanding that I would always have time later to achieve those targets, so I could afford to slacken off, and putter around...
Correctly or not, it had meant that my life was a one-chapter book, just detailing the endless circles and agonising efforts as I achieved (or not) my life purpose, a vague and ephemeral imagining... Thus, what if I never change direction, but never accomplished that overall life purposes? On my grave then, it would say "Here lies K-U, his only purpose in life was to serve as a warning for others"...
What he said, made absolute sense. To me. On a very fundamental level. When I look back, there are so few, so few, things that I can recall with fondness and pride. I have just been plodding along, content with being blown with the winds of current events. I tell myself, I have goals, but since they're so hard to accomplish anyway, lemme just concentrate on all the impotent ,daily, nonsensical, minute, meaningless chores that are nipping at my ankles.
Oh look, a year has passed. Nothing's changed. Again.
It's been like that the past 27 years for me. No better time than the present, to wake up and see what's been happening with my life. I have written one chapter in my life so far, 27 years in the making. It's time to outline new chapters, new goals, something to achieve in 3 years, accomplish that, and move on to something else.
I will do just that. This year, I will compete and complete the stanchart full marathon. Or die trying. That will be something I will look back fondly. After that, I will think of something else, not rest in the comfort of the knowledge of that (hopefully) accomplishment. 2nd December 2007 will end a chapter of my life, and start a new one.
My life story will be filled up with exciting and fulfilling chapters... That is my life purpose.
He told me that many years ago, just after he came back from his university studies, as a scholar, he was asked one of those standard 'scholarly' questions, "What is your guiding philosophy in life?" He answered that it would be such that, every 2-3 years, when he asked himself what is his aim, it would be entirely different. This would indicate that there was a certain focal point in his life, and that he had accomplished what he set out to do, and move on to other things. He termed this his "chapters", that every 2-3 years, he would move on to a different chapter, a different part of life, as his goals change with his experiences.
That struck me. Hard. I mean, WOW! It's almost completely in opposition to the way I've been living... I think, in my entire life, I have always been focused on 1 or 2 main things, which never changed. It has always been vague targets, and each and every year, it was a variation of the same old, same old. To the point of obsession. Yet, sub-consciously, there was an inherent understanding that I would always have time later to achieve those targets, so I could afford to slacken off, and putter around...
Correctly or not, it had meant that my life was a one-chapter book, just detailing the endless circles and agonising efforts as I achieved (or not) my life purpose, a vague and ephemeral imagining... Thus, what if I never change direction, but never accomplished that overall life purposes? On my grave then, it would say "Here lies K-U, his only purpose in life was to serve as a warning for others"...
What he said, made absolute sense. To me. On a very fundamental level. When I look back, there are so few, so few, things that I can recall with fondness and pride. I have just been plodding along, content with being blown with the winds of current events. I tell myself, I have goals, but since they're so hard to accomplish anyway, lemme just concentrate on all the impotent ,daily, nonsensical, minute, meaningless chores that are nipping at my ankles.
Oh look, a year has passed. Nothing's changed. Again.
It's been like that the past 27 years for me. No better time than the present, to wake up and see what's been happening with my life. I have written one chapter in my life so far, 27 years in the making. It's time to outline new chapters, new goals, something to achieve in 3 years, accomplish that, and move on to something else.
I will do just that. This year, I will compete and complete the stanchart full marathon. Or die trying. That will be something I will look back fondly. After that, I will think of something else, not rest in the comfort of the knowledge of that (hopefully) accomplishment. 2nd December 2007 will end a chapter of my life, and start a new one.
My life story will be filled up with exciting and fulfilling chapters... That is my life purpose.
Monday, September 03, 2007
My Horoscope for Today... Things will Change...
The Bottom Line
Your place among your friends is secure today, and you know just where you stand.
In Detail
By today, you have pushed through the most confusing part of your little emotional obstacle course -- and things are starting to look clearer and you are starting to feel much happier. Your place among your friends is secure, and you know just where you stand. Hold onto your rising optimism, because it will take you the rest of the way. The going is not going to be so rough anymore, and you are about to experience an extended period of peace, relaxation, and contentment.
Thoughts in the middle of the night...
Sometimes I can't sleep...
The body is tired and aching, but the mind is sharp and alert, filling it up with neverending thoughts... My day, my week, my life. Anxious, I looked at the alarm clock... 2.15am, just 4 hours before I have to awaken and face a brand new day. Can't help but wonder about the myriad of events that would occur in the next 24 hours, the joys, the heartbreaks, the expected and unexpected.
Just another day in paradise, my paradise, where I work without feeling, and I wander in search of a meaningful existence, displeased at my current state of affairs. The work is uninspiring, unchallenging, and every single day, it drags me down deeper and deeper into the grave of pointlessness. The more I work, the more useless I feel, the more I blend into the wallpaper, almost content to just while away as a Life Ordinary...
Wasn't I supposed to do much more? Accomplish more significant things than just end up making powerpoint slide and writing papers that lead to nothing, nothing at all? Did I really work so hard last time to just stagnate, my flesh rotting, and my mind growing in feebleness? Is there something out there waiting for me to fill the void and BE somebody?
Like one of my favourite movies' title, is this really "As Good As It Gets"?
If it is...
The body is tired and aching, but the mind is sharp and alert, filling it up with neverending thoughts... My day, my week, my life. Anxious, I looked at the alarm clock... 2.15am, just 4 hours before I have to awaken and face a brand new day. Can't help but wonder about the myriad of events that would occur in the next 24 hours, the joys, the heartbreaks, the expected and unexpected.
Just another day in paradise, my paradise, where I work without feeling, and I wander in search of a meaningful existence, displeased at my current state of affairs. The work is uninspiring, unchallenging, and every single day, it drags me down deeper and deeper into the grave of pointlessness. The more I work, the more useless I feel, the more I blend into the wallpaper, almost content to just while away as a Life Ordinary...
Wasn't I supposed to do much more? Accomplish more significant things than just end up making powerpoint slide and writing papers that lead to nothing, nothing at all? Did I really work so hard last time to just stagnate, my flesh rotting, and my mind growing in feebleness? Is there something out there waiting for me to fill the void and BE somebody?
Like one of my favourite movies' title, is this really "As Good As It Gets"?
If it is...
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