I had a conversation with a colleague today. It's moments like this that you would remember for a long time, one of those incidents that, upon reflection decades later, you realise that it was a direction marker, one that would pretty much guide the next phase of my life...
He told me that many years ago, just after he came back from his university studies, as a scholar, he was asked one of those standard 'scholarly' questions, "What is your guiding philosophy in life?" He answered that it would be such that, every 2-3 years, when he asked himself what is his aim, it would be entirely different. This would indicate that there was a certain focal point in his life, and that he had accomplished what he set out to do, and move on to other things. He termed this his "chapters", that every 2-3 years, he would move on to a different chapter, a different part of life, as his goals change with his experiences.
That struck me. Hard. I mean, WOW! It's almost completely in opposition to the way I've been living... I think, in my entire life, I have always been focused on 1 or 2 main things, which never changed. It has always been vague targets, and each and every year, it was a variation of the same old, same old. To the point of obsession. Yet, sub-consciously, there was an inherent understanding that I would always have time later to achieve those targets, so I could afford to slacken off, and putter around...
Correctly or not, it had meant that my life was a one-chapter book, just detailing the endless circles and agonising efforts as I achieved (or not) my life purpose, a vague and ephemeral imagining... Thus, what if I never change direction, but never accomplished that overall life purposes? On my grave then, it would say "Here lies K-U, his only purpose in life was to serve as a warning for others"...
What he said, made absolute sense. To me. On a very fundamental level. When I look back, there are so few, so few, things that I can recall with fondness and pride. I have just been plodding along, content with being blown with the winds of current events. I tell myself, I have goals, but since they're so hard to accomplish anyway, lemme just concentrate on all the impotent ,daily, nonsensical, minute, meaningless chores that are nipping at my ankles.
Oh look, a year has passed. Nothing's changed. Again.
It's been like that the past 27 years for me. No better time than the present, to wake up and see what's been happening with my life. I have written one chapter in my life so far, 27 years in the making. It's time to outline new chapters, new goals, something to achieve in 3 years, accomplish that, and move on to something else.
I will do just that. This year, I will compete and complete the stanchart full marathon. Or die trying. That will be something I will look back fondly. After that, I will think of something else, not rest in the comfort of the knowledge of that (hopefully) accomplishment. 2nd December 2007 will end a chapter of my life, and start a new one.
My life story will be filled up with exciting and fulfilling chapters... That is my life purpose.
1 comment:
for mine, it's more of a job satisfaction thing. 6 yrs after the bond and I'm still thinking of things. new things but not sure. but i know it's a life decision to make.
still being nipped at the ankles but too busy to bandage myself.
gd luck with the run!
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