Dedicated to a friend...

This is dedicated to a dear friend who just left to pursue her dreams overseas...

There comes a time in life when you meet someone who is just one-of-a-kind. One who makes the world revolve around her. And you can't help it but be sucked into her world, willingly, and totally revel in it.

As you know the person better, you learn more about her, but more importantly, you learn more about yourself. To me, she has become the person who truly epitomizes the phrase, "Grant me the strength to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."

Rather than just accept or suffer her vulnerabilities, she has turned them around to make it part of her persona, and enjoys the jibes she gets about it. Case in point, for me, who naturally loves listening to retro oldies, don't usually talk about it lest I get made fun of ("So ah peh") What I've learnt from her is that, don't be embarrassed with who you are. Instead, Acknowledge, Accept and Embrace, and people will love you for who you are...

She's a person who is brave enough, even Thrives, on change and going against the flow. I'm totally the opposite, swaying with the wind, changing tack as each situation occurs. I've always wanted to work overseas, but it just seems so difficult, so impossible for me, given my circumstances. What I've learnt is to focus: when you have something you know you want, go ahead and want it bad! Go after it No Matter What. Don't give in at the first sign of difficulty, persist even when there's still resistance from your loved ones. If you believe in it hard enough, they will be persuaded. Even if they don't, you will gain their respect...

2009 was one of my better, if not the best, year in my 29+ years of existence, and she's one of the chief reasons for that. I came out of my shell, and got into windsurfing, wine appreciation, the super interesting forest adventure, even rock-climbing! I met alot of friends, and I have taken steps to step out of my risk-adverse nature. It's all thanks to you :)

I wish the very very best for you when you are in Chicago. You will be sorely sorely missed.

Thoughts

On the surface, I had a most wonderful weekend. Had some friends over for movie and makan on Friday night. On Sunday, played tennis, baked my chocolate walnut cake, and had a wonderful pho dinner at TPS' place. Her mom is a great cook, and the brownies were just as delicious.

On the surface.

Actually, this weekend, I kind of fell off the wagon. There were alot of snacks left over from movie night on Friday, and I sort of snapped. I ate, and I ate, and I ate. I drank soft drinks, finished up the Hello Panda, and most of the other snacks. Then I started ravaging the kitchen, and ate excessively for all the meals this weekend. It was a relapse...

With that came the guilt. And the sheer impact of the guilt depressed me deeply. And I went back to my uni habits, eating even more to drive away the depression, the vicious cycle returning again. Knowing you are slipping sucks. The mood disappears, the optimism fades, the hope for a better age, disintegrates.

Everyday of my life, I am fighting my natural mode of being. I love to eat; but I restrict. I hate to exercise; but I drag my sorry carcass to the gym. I have no passion for my work; I dig deep to produce quality constantly.

The answer is clear: Acceptance. But I'm not ready. I refuse to believe that this is "As Good As It Gets" and accept my lot in life. And it's this inner burst of energy that drives me to do the things I do. And it was missing this weekend.

The momentary weakness has passed. On to a brighter week ahead!

Planning for the GMAT

Just read somewhere that it takes about 2 - 3 months to prepare for the GMAT. It costs about USD$250, and seems like there are alot of valid test dates (i.e. not like the stupid CFA).

So what I would need to do is ensure that I'll be in Singapore for the fixed period of time (3 months) before my test date. Then I'll apply for it. Hopefully I can start booking for the GMAT in Apr/May for the Aug/Sep period. We shall see...

The Test Venue:

Test Center: Pearson Professional Centers-Singapore
Address: International Plaza
Level 30, Unit 3,
10 Anson Road
Singapore, 079903
Singapore
Map
MapQuest directions are sometimes inaccurate. Be sure to read the test center directions below.
Telephone: +65 6225 2027
Directions: MRT: Tanjong Pagar Station

Tennis Zen

Whenever I'm playing tennis, when it gets into the heat of the moment, I always try to tell myself to hold back and relax. To calm my nerves. To Ommmmmmm...

It's completely essential and necessary to slow your heart rate, to stop your mind from racing as you yourself race to and fro the tennis court. In fact, I'm trying out this technique where I mentally WILL the ball to slow down when it's coming my way, so that I can take a step back (metaphorically speaking, of course), and consider my options, and prepare my stance and my swing. And to remember to follow through with each hit.

Tennis is just about attempting to hit every single shot with the body-to-ball position the same. It's really zen-like, in fact. As my coach said before, the ball speed is actually fixed, it's you who determines whether the ball coming towards you is fast or slow. And when you can hit the ball back with the same posture repeatedly, you fast approach a zen-like state of mind. Ommmmm... haha!

Shall try that out the next time we play tennis. And blot out everything else, at work, relationships, health, friendships, yada yada. And just focus on the tennis ball.

Time: How to Keep Your New Year's Resolutions: Advice from Experts

Probably a most relevant article by Time Magazine...

About half of all American adults (48%, according to a Marist poll taken in December) say they are at least somewhat likely to make a New Year's resolution this year. Their top vows: to lose weight (19%), quit smoking (12%) and exercise more (10%). Sound familiar?

The Marist poll also found that while 65% of people who made a resolution in 2008 kept their promise for at least part of the following year, 35% never even made it out of the gate. Indeed, when you wake bleary-eyed on the first day of a new year — or decade — resolutions to "cut back" and "moderate" seem both an excellent idea and an impossibly hazy dream. (See TIME's special report on health and happiness.)

But consider this: if hard-core addicts can break bad habits — some by moderating, not just quitting — there's still hope for you. Whether your goal for 2010 is to get fit or tame your drinking, experts say there's a lot you can learn from people who have successfully moderated their habits to help keep you off the resolution merry-go-round.

1. Don't Kid Yourself

"The most important thing is to be honest with yourself," says Howard Josepher, a former heroin addict and president of Exponents Inc., an organization that provides support and educational services to people with substance misuse issues. "You need to know the difference between enjoying yourself and self-medicating. It's not that self-medicating is necessarily bad — but you should give yourself parameters. If you are adhering to them, O.K. If not, you need to check yourself." (See the year in health 2009.)

Successful moderators decide in advance how much is "too much" — and stick to their limit, no matter what. Have a cookie a day, if that's what you've deemed acceptable. But if you "cheat" by having "just one more," know that you are only cheating yourself and exacerbating the problem, experts say. The point is to learn how to hold yourself accountable.

For those who are concerned about drinking in particular, a free, research-based online tool called Drinker's Checkup can help you determine whether you are drinking at unhealthy levels, and what to do if you are.

2. Quit Cold Turkey — Temporarily

"Theoretically, there are very good reasons to take a break from a behavior, totally," says Reid Hester, director of research at Behavior Therapy Associates, explaining that an initial period of complete abstinence can make it easier for people to moderate behavior, by eliminating the habitual, automatic aspect of the unwanted activity. (See America's health checkup.)

Take a cue from the self-help group Moderation Management (MM), which advises problem drinkers to abstain completely for a month before attempting moderate drinking. If you can't achieve a month of abstinence, the thinking goes, successful moderation is unlikely.

The best way to stay on course is frequent self-monitoring; use as many behavior-modification tools, support groups and programs as you can. In October, Hester and colleagues published a randomized controlled trial in the Journal of Substance Abuse Treatment comparing heavy drinkers who used MM's website to help them quit with those who used the MM site plus another online tool, which teaches behavior-control tactics and helps chart drinking. While both groups significantly reduced their drinking and alcohol-related problems, the group that used the additional tool had more days abstinent and drank less when they drank.

3. Do What the Dalai Lama Would Do

Alan Marlatt, director of the Addictive Behaviors Research Center at the University of Washington, studies "mindfulness-based relapse prevention," which uses meditation and other ideas from Buddhist teachings to help people break bad habits. (Read "Battling Addiction: Are 12 Steps Too Many?")

"Between stimulus and response, there's a space, and in that space is our power to choose our response, and in our response lies our growth and freedom," says Marlatt, quoting author and Holocaust survivor Victor Frankl. Marlatt says, "Mindfulness gets you into that space."

Being mindful may involve traditional meditation, in which you sit quietly and observe your thoughts and breathing without judgment. But here, it is also used to focus awareness on thoughts and feelings that lead to unwanted behavior. Simply recognizing the triggers to relapse can help you choose not to give into them. "When there's a fork in road, craving is pulling you one way. Well, what's the other way? You have to look down other road see where it takes you. Then, you have a choice, instead of being on autopilot," says Marlatt.

One tactic he recommends for resisting those cravings is called "urge surfing." It involves being mindful of the fact that craving is like a wave — it rises to a peak, then falls. This happens whether you yield to the urge or not, though most people erroneously think their craving will escalate endlessly, unless they give in. In fact, succumbing to cravings only reinforces them — resisting, in contrast, reinforces resistance. Marlatt advises watching your urge, noting its peak and "surfing" it, rather than allowing it to wipe you out.

Another trick to recognize is that willpower is like a muscle — it gets stronger with appropriate use, but ultimately weakens if overloaded. That's why Hester recommends setting short-term goals that are "moderately difficult, realistic, concrete and measurable." As with weight-lifting, starting at a level that is challenging but not overwhelming can provide a sense of achievement and success — which can give you the drive to take on bigger challenges.

4. Don't Try to Scare Yourself Straight

Research shows that in the long term, the pleasure of victory is a better incentive than the agony of defeat. "Punishment is a poor motivator," says Hester. "It sets people up for failure. If all you do is punish yourself for failure, you won't stay motivated to change for very long."

Instead, reward yourself for sticking to your limits and focus on the benefits of changing. For instance, if your goal is to drink less or lose weight, treat yourself to something you want — a new book or DVD, say — each time you successfully resist a tempting dessert or achieve a goal, like a month of abstinence. Success tends to beget greater success. If you do slip back into old patterns, avoid recriminations. "Don't say, 'I can't do it,'" says Marlatt. "People make mistakes. If you keep working at it, you will get better over time. That's what the research shows."

For some people, trying to moderate bad habits is not achievable or takes more effort than abstaining altogether — as the philosopher Saint Augustine put it, "Complete abstinence is easier than perfect moderation." Recognizing this by trying and failing can also be a critical step toward behavior change.

5. Get Better Friends

Consciously and unconsciously, people tend to imitate those around them. That's why the latest research shows that things like happiness, quitting smoking and obesity can spread like a contagion through social networks. So, surround yourself with friends who can also be role models. "Make sure that people you hang out with are people who look and act the way you would like to. Social imitation is the easiest form not only of flattery but of self-improvement," says Stanton Peele, author of Seven Tools to Beat Addiction. (Read "In Old Age, Friends Can Keep You Young. Really.")

Social support is critical to changing all kinds of behavior. Good friends can not only help you through slip-ups, but they can also help keep your New Year's resolution from taking over your life. Rather than obsessing about what you shouldn't be doing, think about things you should, experts say. The distraction will help you curb bad habits. "Focus on your higher goals and positive activities, things that both sustain you and fill your life," says Peele. If you regularly engage in meaningful activities that give you pleasure — whether it's visiting friends, picking up a hobby, taking a class or doing volunteer work (one of the most overlooked sources of personal joy and meaning is helping others) — you'll simply have less time to crave or engage in the behavior that you want to reduce.

Underwater Photographer by Martin Edge

Was reading this book by Martin Edge at Kino yesterday. It's in the 3rd edition already, and I spent 1+ hours reading it. It's really an amazing and useful book, covering from all the basics of photography, to the techniques employed by good underwater photographers.

One of the techniques suggested, and I was beginning to employ but didn't quite realise, was that we should always take pictures with the subject above the camera. Too often, we are just taking pictures downwards, as we might on land, since it's like a lot more natural. But this means that we will be taking the subject in question against the reef/rock/sand, which doesn't really show off the beauty of the underwater environment. Capturing the pictures from down upwards will capture the essence of the water and the subject.

Now i'm totally psyched about underwater photography. Planning to get the new Canon Powershot G11 and Underwater Housing DC-34 sometime this year, and then i'll be taking picture galore! Too bad Dive Photography is SUCH an expensive hobby, DIVING and UNDERWATER PHOTOGRAPHY (with underwater housing, macro lens, fish-eye lens and the various strobe lights, etc) combined.

Canon G-11 Review

Anyone wanna sponsor me?