Sit back and relax... Reflect upon your journey thus far, and the road ahead. Close your eyes and inhale.
Feels good.
It has been tough. Tough week. Broken promises, shattered dreams and hearts. What else is left?
Feels good, to retreat back into the cocoon: my room. Here I am protected, sheltered from all the pain and suffering. Here there is warmth, there is love, hope and serenity. I recover, I regroup, I assess what has happened so far.
I cut my losses, and re-examine my strategies. Maybe certain things are not meant to be. That's ok, I just need to know which are those things. Something about me over the years, I have learnt to cope with losses quickly and move on to the next thing. No more stopping and moping, it just isn't worth my time.
Going to spend the next couple of hours thinking what I really want to achieve in my life, and maybe record it down somewhere. Self-Assessment is good....
Sunday, February 22, 2009
Friday, February 20, 2009
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Another one bites the dust...
Another one bites the proverbial dust. Good to be clear, good to know, things just wouldn't have worked out.
Whereas other guys chalk up bedside 'kills', my list is wildly different. The women who didn't love me (and made it clear). I am just running about, trying to find the right girl for me, but so far, in my 28 years of existence, I have failed especially miserably. Why they have always decided that I wasn't the one?
I believe that it is just the differences in personalities, not that there's something fundamentally flawed about me. I have to believe it, else the obvious alternative is that there's something so wrong about me that everyone can see it a mile away, and they start running.
Belief is an especially wonderful thing, particularly when one uses it to escape certain facts or truths, to carry on living in an especially cruel and lonely world.
When I like someone, I try, probably too damn hard, something that I can't particularly resolve within myself. But isn't that what love is about? Wanting to be more, wanting to do more, going over the usual things one would do for friends and family? Should I instead close in further within, and mete out to them the same affections as I would to my pet fish?
Each failure just makes it even less enjoyable for the next girl, cause the list of things I would do, the issues I would accommodate, will drop even more. Maybe I should draw out a list and see what is still possible.
List of Nos
1) No, to being late. A person's who's habitually late has zero respect for the people they are late for.
2) No, to being couch potatoes. It's a clear indication of the personality they have.
3) No, to being drama viewers. They would rather live their lives over the tube, than go out and face reality.
4) No, to having the wrong life priorities. If you can't prioritise, or if your priorities are wrong, then you are not mature enough.
5) No, to those refusing new experiences. Life should be different, ever-changing, not boxed in and shut. Those who have barely left the country, or completely devoted to the Singaporean life without experiencing the taste of other countries, I cannot accept their lack of spirit, of adventure.
6) No, to the overly demanding. As a couple, one cannot hope to have everything to his/her favour; there will always be accommodations and compromises. I cannot give in and in and in, until I forget who I am anymore. Love me for me.
Obviously, this paints out the personality (through my dark-tinted glasses) of the last one that didn't work. But the unacceptable flaws of the last one adds to the growing concept of the painting that i'm going to draw. I now have the outline, the silhouette, and little by little, am more clearly defining the shape, the lines, the borders... the background is almost ready.
Time to start penciling in the subject...
Whereas other guys chalk up bedside 'kills', my list is wildly different. The women who didn't love me (and made it clear). I am just running about, trying to find the right girl for me, but so far, in my 28 years of existence, I have failed especially miserably. Why they have always decided that I wasn't the one?
I believe that it is just the differences in personalities, not that there's something fundamentally flawed about me. I have to believe it, else the obvious alternative is that there's something so wrong about me that everyone can see it a mile away, and they start running.
Belief is an especially wonderful thing, particularly when one uses it to escape certain facts or truths, to carry on living in an especially cruel and lonely world.
When I like someone, I try, probably too damn hard, something that I can't particularly resolve within myself. But isn't that what love is about? Wanting to be more, wanting to do more, going over the usual things one would do for friends and family? Should I instead close in further within, and mete out to them the same affections as I would to my pet fish?
Each failure just makes it even less enjoyable for the next girl, cause the list of things I would do, the issues I would accommodate, will drop even more. Maybe I should draw out a list and see what is still possible.
List of Nos
1) No, to being late. A person's who's habitually late has zero respect for the people they are late for.
2) No, to being couch potatoes. It's a clear indication of the personality they have.
3) No, to being drama viewers. They would rather live their lives over the tube, than go out and face reality.
4) No, to having the wrong life priorities. If you can't prioritise, or if your priorities are wrong, then you are not mature enough.
5) No, to those refusing new experiences. Life should be different, ever-changing, not boxed in and shut. Those who have barely left the country, or completely devoted to the Singaporean life without experiencing the taste of other countries, I cannot accept their lack of spirit, of adventure.
6) No, to the overly demanding. As a couple, one cannot hope to have everything to his/her favour; there will always be accommodations and compromises. I cannot give in and in and in, until I forget who I am anymore. Love me for me.
Obviously, this paints out the personality (through my dark-tinted glasses) of the last one that didn't work. But the unacceptable flaws of the last one adds to the growing concept of the painting that i'm going to draw. I now have the outline, the silhouette, and little by little, am more clearly defining the shape, the lines, the borders... the background is almost ready.
Time to start penciling in the subject...
Sunday, February 08, 2009
Tuesday, February 03, 2009
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