Whenever I'm depressed

I eat.

I am eating now...

Running Home (14 June 2010)

SMART weight goals

Specific - Lose 15 kg by 30 April 2011

Measurable - 5 kg every 4 months:
Time-bound August - 80kg (32")
December - 75kg (31")
April 2011 - 70kg (30")
Strength: - 30lbs -> 35lbs (Jun) -> 40lbs (Oct) -> 45lbs (Feb)
Speed: (8km/hr - 9km/hr (Jun) -> 10km/hr (Oct) -> 11km/hr (Feb)
Stamina: 45min -> 1hr/40 laps (Jun) -> 1hr15min/50 laps (Oct) -> 1hr30min/60 laps (Feb)

Actionable - 1) Wake up at 5.30am 3 mornings a week to jog before work
Realistic 2) Gym (weights*2,yoga*1,cardio*2) 4 times a week
3) Swim 2 times a week
4) Tennis 2 times a week
5) Walk up stairs, walk to/fro MRT
6) No carbs (rich, bread, noodles)
7) No eating after 10pm, no snacking
8) 4 light meals a day (8am, 12pm, 4pm, 8pm)
9) Cut down on oily, fried, unhealthy food: carrot cake, durian, char kway tiao, curry, chicken rice, chocolates, buffets, soft drinks, ice-cream, peanut butter, cookies, prawn crackers, cakes, glutinous rice, fast foods
11) Drink green tea at every meal, eat salmon, salads, yong tau foo, fish soup, fruits especially grapefruits, leafy green vegetables, tofu
12) Cut down on alcohol consumption, at most 1 glass of wine/evening
13) New sport - Pick up rock-climbing
14) Do weights at home while watching shows
15) Increase walking pace
16) Eat until 70% full

Reward - August - 80kg (32") - New iPhone
December - 75kg (31") - New Underwater Camera Set
April 2011 - 70kg (30") - New MacBook Pro / New Wardrobe

A new goal...

Frankly, even though I believe sincerely in letting go of the past in order to achieve breakthroughs, when it comes to physical application, there's still quite a ways for me to go before i truly apply what i believe...

But I have a new goal now, once that supersedes my previous beliefs, targets and achievements. One that frankly I had believed it was impossible because it had never happened before, because it is TOO FAR away from the realm of the "imagined" possibilities.

And that goal is my target desired weight. On hearing the number 70kg, the immediate reaction was,"How is this possible? I was last 70 kg during PRIMARY SCHOOL!!!" The natural resistance just welled up and the brain and the mouth worked in unison to create a plausible set of reasons that it's too far a target to aim for.

Recognise it for what it truly is: Excuses

History is often a poor predictor of the past. If you are held captive by the past, you will never truly believe in, and ultimately create a new future.

Instead, envision the end-state, and work backwards to reach that goal...

Don't start from where you are now, and plot trend lines...

I will be 70kg.

From the movie "Wall Street"

In the immortal words of Gordon Gekko,

The point is, ladies and gentleman, that greed, for lack of a better word, is good. Greed is right, greed works. Greed clarifies, cuts through, and captures the essence of the evolutionary spirit. Greed, in all of its forms; greed for life, for money, for love, knowledge has marked the upward surge of mankind.

In particular, I like this portion - Greed clarifies, cuts through, and captures the essence of the evolutionary spirit.

Truth is, there is so little clarity in the world, so many conflicting goals, lofty aspirations, altruistic targets. Perhaps we should just converge onto ONE single objective, then all the other unknowns will fall into place.

Secret to Weight Loss - Green Tea

My colleague was saying that drinking Green Tea makes her hungry very very fast, so I started reading up on the effects of Green Tea. Apparently it burns up to 80 additional calories per day, raises your metabolic rate and all...

Guess who will be drinking green tea everyday from now on?

Green Tea and Weight Loss
Using Tea to Help Lose Weight
Share Article |

Feb 20, 2009 Julie Ackendorf
Green tea is an excellent beverage to help improve health and wellness. It also has properties that can be beneficial in helping an individual lose weight.

Green tea has gained a reputation of being a wonderful hot beverage that can help improve an individual's health. Green tea also has properties that allow to serve as a weight loss tool as well!
Green Tea Raises Metabolism

The Colon Therapists Network relays the fact that the American Journal of Clinical Nutrition has reported that Green Tea can increase an individual's metabolic rate by 4% allowing her to burn calories more efficiently due to the catechin polyphenols it contains. The optimal amount of Green Tea consumption for weight loss is three to five cups per day and simply drinking Green Tea can help an individual lose an extra eighty calories a day.
Green Tea Lowers Blood Sugar

Too much sugar in an individual's bloodstream at one time makes the body convert the sugar into fat. Green tea helps prevent blood sugar levels from spiking, thus preventing unnecessary fat storage. Green tea has also been shown to prevent glucose from moving into fat cells.
Green Tea Helps People Feel Less Hungry and Reduces Cravings

Unstable blood sugar levels can leave people feeling hungry for more food than they need to maintain their health and an appropriate body weight. Unstable blood sugar can also cause individuals to crave unhealthy foods. Due to the fact Green Tea helps prevent blood sugar spikes and keeps blood sugar levels relatively even individuals who want to lose weight will battle less with hunger sensations and cravings.
Green Tea is Filling

Drinking Green Tea before a meal leaves less room for food to fill the stomach. The warmth of the tea satisfies hunger and individuals trying to stick to a lower calorie diet will be less likely to overindulge at meal time. Controlling portion size will be easier if a person comes to the meal table less hungry than if he is ravishing.

Green Tea is Flavorful

Green Tea has a pleasant flavor and is less bitter than coffee. Many coffee drinkers consume more calories than they are aware of by adding cream or sugar to their brew, or by ordering mixed coffee drinks. Green tea saves individuals the additional calories and is enjoyable to drink without sweetening.

Individuals wanting to lose weight need to remember that Green Tea is only a tool. A weight loss program geared specifically toward individual needs. Caloric intake needs to be reduced, exercise increased, and any psychological issues that may lead to emotionally charged excessive eating needs to be dealt with. There is no easy way to lose weight but Green Tea is an easy dietary addition that can be very helpful.

Read more at Suite101: Green Tea and Weight Loss: Using Tea to Help Lose Weight http://weightloss.suite101.com/article.cfm/green_tea_and_weight_loss#ixzz0mvhRCFl9

Joo Chiat Makan Tour

Am organizing a tour around Joo Chiat next Saturday (8 May).  Going to explore the whole area, and look for food and history ;)

Don't know how much it has changed from this original report, but maybe will check it out first before the 8th.

Anyone interested?


Taken from Makansutra:

In our first of a series of jalan-jalan (jalan means walk in Malay) food tours, Makansutra brings you to East Coast.

Click here to load up a map of the area. If you have two to three hours to spare one Saturday morning, why not try out this short tour and discover some interesting gems located in the three parallel roads of Onan-Joo Chiat-Tembeling. Our advice--bring a camera to capture nostalgic scenes that you'll come across. Begin your tour with breakfast at 64 Joo Chiat Place, Xin Hua coffeeshop.Fei Fei Wantan Noodles dishes out small servings of excellent homemade noodles coated with just the right amount of chilli and gravy sauce. Served in traditional rooster bowls, you can finish it in four to five mouthfuls. You can choose to sit in the coffeeshop or go al fresco under the trees and enjoy the morning sun. Tempted as you may be to order another bowl, remember--you're on a food tour now, don't eat too much first, there're lots more to fill your stomach!

Situated next door is the famous Kim Choo Nonya Bak Chang (rice dumplings prepared Nonya style). You can buy some home or alternatively, just order a drink at the coffeeshop and have the bak chang for breakfast too. Across the road is the Changi Junk Store. Here's the place to browse and to see how old furniture can be restored to their former glory,. Continue your walk towards Joo Chiat Road and turn left at the junction of Joo Chiat Place and Lorong 101 Changi. As you stroll along, you'll see a 1970s barber shop sitting right at the corner of Lorong 101 Changi and Joo Chiat Terrace. Grab your camera and strike a pose. In the midst of classy hair salons and dwindling number of customers, such shops are a fast vanishing sight.

Head towards Joo Chiat Road and turn left. Here, watch how popiah skins are made the way they should be--the traditional method and not by some high-tech machinery. The skins are made the old-fashioned way. Four to five busy workers are constantly cooking the thin batter on a small, rounded flat and heated pan. Kway Guan Huat at 95 Joo Chiat Road is popular with East Coast residents as well as popiah sellers because the popiah skins are made thin, soft and fresh, still warm when you buy them. With a shop like this, why bother to get thick, hard and cold popiah skins from supermarkets? Walk along Joo Chiat Road towards East Coast Road. When you see Joo Chiat Lane on the left, turn and you'll be greeted by the aroma of freshly-baked bread. Follow your nose and you'll come to Hup Hin/ Aik Yew Bakery on the right of the road. The friendly baker normally allows you to take a peep and even photograph the baking process. You'll be overwhelmed by the sight of the primitive and gigantic stone ovens which are fuelled by diesel (used to be wood) that has to be pumped constantly. This is a "die, die must take" photo! Sure regret if you don't! If any freshly baked bread or pastries are ready, you can even pick up some and eat them straightaway. A fresh bun is always shiok to the bite!

Go straight towards Tembeling Road and turn right. Just a few metres away away, you'll see an old and quaint provision shop at the corner of Tembeling and Koon Seng roads. Time seems to have stood still in this dimly-lit shop--biscuits are still sold in big containers with red cha-kia (Chinese clogs) hanging on the wall for sale. Nowadays where got shopowners still let you put your hands in the biscuit containers and choose what you like to buy? As for the cha-kia, I can guarantee that it'll definitely be cheaper than those sold at the touristy shops in Chinatown. Just a few steps ahead, you'll see a signboard in blue, red, yellow and white telling you that "The Shophouse" is on the right. Tucked away in a quiet corner at the end of the lane is actually a shop selling Indonesian (especially Javanese) furniture. If you like Indonesian wooden furniture, you'll find some interesting pieces resting in this airy shophouse. Exit via the carpark and walk towards Joo Chiat Road, in the direction of East Coast Road. Turn right when you see Onan Road and turn right again. Move along till you reach near the end of the road, and you'll see Hoon Bee coffeeshop. After all that walking, it's time for Joo Chiat Prawn Mee! A $3 serving will give you three medium-sized prawns with two pieces of tender pork ribs, garnished with a generous sprinkling of fried shallots. If you want big prawns, just pay more lah!

Ready to move on? Back track towards Joo Chiat Road again. Pick up cookies at Kimzara, 452 Joo Chiat Road or durian puffs at Puteri Mas, unit number 475. As you come to the crossroads of Joo Chiat and East Coast roads, turn right. If you're still feeling greedy for more food, the Tau Kwa Pau (beancurd with stuffings) at Hock Ann Eating house is a must-try. A rare find these days, you get a combination of minced meat with cucumber and coriander stuffed in a fried beancurd skin, served with a special sauce. To end the tour, just walk straight ahead and you'll see the famous red house confectionery. Want to experience what high tea was like in the 60s? Just try it out here! Order your coffee/tea, get the sponge cakes or Swiss rolls, soak in the atmosphere and rest your tired legs. Even the people manning the shop look like they've been working here since the sixties. Enjoy this last stop, because once it's closed in the near future (due to the lifting of rent control), you'll regret for life that you had never visited this popular landmark. Pictures by Wesley Loh

YTRIHT YADOT

and so it begins...

Tennis Today

Was playing tennis at SAFRA Tampines today.  When I spotted two guys going into the next court.  They were decked out:  Carrying Babolat Tennis Bags, wearing this crimson red sleeveless shirt with two Adidas wrist bands (so long they reach up to the elbows) and the racquets they had were obviously those 300++ (probably more) Babolat racquets.  Babolat is a very famous non-mainstream tennis brand, like wilson but specific to tennis, used by players like nadal. 

And before they started, they looked like they were warming up, and talking about kicking each other's asses.  All in, they looked like serious tennis pros.  Like they could have kicked me and my tennis buddy's collective asses with one stroke of their racquet.  

And when he serves he bends all the way down, tosses the ball all the way up, and he LEAPS into the air and hits the ball, like how those professional tennis players do it on tv.

However, this served as a reminder that LOOKS ARE DECEIVING!

When he hits the ball, it connected in the same way a baby gal hits the doll with her pillow.  Absolutely no strength whatsoever, no control, and no skill.  He didn't how to serve at all.  When he did connect with the ball, it either hits OUT of the opposing tennis court (NOT just outside the serving box), or hits the net... and his rallies are so long, you can't count to 2 before it's over.  Every 10 mins they stop to take a "well-deserved" break.

Apparently we met one of those "SO LONG AS I DRESS WELL AT MY SPORT, I CAN PLAY WELL" types.  You've seen those:  Wear those headbands, and the compression wear tights and runs with a heart-rate monitor, a GPS watch, a visor, oakley Radar sunglasses, and those bluetooth wireless headphones connected to their iPhone.  and running slower than a grandma walking backwards, on her hands!

(btw, I just described myself, so i'm not like holier-than-thou)

But it's really hilarious to the passer-bys, that one can pretend that money can substitute true skill, ability and talent.  Not at all, it just shows how good Nike or Adidas' advertising dollars are.  And without a mirror, you'll never see the clown those apparel make you look like.

Should have taken a picture!  Rats!

Interesting chat...

Had a chat with an old friend today over msn.  She's one of my old pals from UIUC, and we used to work closely on our ECE projects last time.  She's now working for a big graphics card company (Go figure) in California, and there since graduation in 05.  Wow, that's 5 years already.

Anyway was asking why she was still single and not living up the good life in sunny cali.  Apparently, the people who tried asking her out have not been very "interesting", either very nerdy (Silicon valley, what other types of guys are there), or doesn't seem very reliable.  To top it off, she gets ask out by two methods, both of which I consider quite grotesque: 1) Facebook message, or 2) Email!

I guess the forms of asking a girl out changes with technology.  From writing letters and posting it out via snail mail, to the phone, fax, SMS, email and now FB.  Feels kind of sad, doesn't it.  Whatever happened to the face-to-face, take-it-like-a-man asking a girl out part?  Probably due to the fear of rejection.  Even worse among the nerd herds who may not have a complete social life during their educational years.

But I guess I'm more interested in the "interesting" part.  What makes a guy "interesting" in this era?  Difficult for it to be the job, right? "Hi, I work from 8 am to 8 pm in the backoffice of a major multi-national, and ensure that figures from A tabulate with figures from B."  Not everybody is Tony Stark, you know, donning iron suit and going around killing bad guys AND smoozing with the ladies at night.

Hobbies?  I don't skydive, and I cannot fathom that ever happening to me.  I have NEVER taken a roller-coaster that loops upside down, and the last time I was at six flags, I was quite spooked out on the carousel. The CAROUSEL!

Oh well, I guess I don't have to be "interesting" to everybody.  So long as I'm satisfied with who I am, and what I do, I should be happy.  And that means, NEVER SKY-DIVING, NEVER ROLLER-COASTERING, AND NO TO BUNGEE JUMPING AND THE ILK TOO!  Will stick to watching fish, and playing tennis!  That's me!

My Last Night in Japan

My English teacher always said it was bad to summarise before starting the paper.  This is not a summary, it's more of an overview of my trip.  Not going into the nitty-gritty of all my mis-adventures, but rather the things I've learnt about myself throughout the course of the journey...

It was, and still is, a journey of self-discovery.  The best way to know oneself, is to start with knowing what you are not.  This is done by interacting with others, to learn how others are, and how you respond to others.  It's also to interact with new cultures, new practices, methods, and discover hidden parallels that you never knew existed, latent energies and capabilities that, for lack of an occasion, never manifested.

Some of the things I now realise about myself are trivial, others profound.  However, it forms a complete 360-degree representation of me, at least me in my current state, that will help determine who I am in the future.

1)  A diver
Two aspects of the trip I enjoyed the most:  Osaka Aquarium and the Marine Dive Expo at Sunshine City (Ikebukuro in Tokyo).  I have definitely been a fish out of water since my last dive trip to Sipadan in December, and I was just fascinated and bewildered by the Aquarium.  Granted, I've already seen the Whale Sharks, Mola-molas, and sharks in my previous dive trips, but frankly, the stuff Mother Nature has created is vastly superior to anything man-made.  Not castles, not skyscrapers, not throngs and throngs of people crossing a busy intersection in Shinjuku.  The simple movements and life of marine animals are more pleasing to the eye, are more restful to the mind, and more settling to the heart than thousands of years of cultural growth, at least to me.  The Expo reminded me of an aspect I have neglected, for lack of time and ability to plan ahead, within myself.  I AM the most happy when I am diving; every other time is a surface interval.

2)  Adaptable
When I first arrived, i screwed up on the first major thing I did:  I took the wrong train.  Yes, it was headed to Ueno, yes it was on the same platform as what the train conductor said, but it was the wrong time.  Japan is a country run on its train schedules:  meticulous, unerring, and process-driven.  And I paid for my mistake:  another 1000 yen.  A valuable learning experience, to be sure.  Nothing makes me learn faster than when I make a mistake.  In other words, I learn the fastest when I am the most willing to be wrong.

My Japanese, thrown aside for a decade, came slamming back to me.  Here and there, bits and pieces of Japanese phrases, characters and concepts flowed back into consciousness while adding new ones.  I forced myself to recognise all the Kanji characters so that train maps made sense even without English translations.  After making a few errors in train station exits, I learnt the tough way how to ensure that I was on the right exit before I leave the station.  That probably saved me a ton of time and effort scrambling around the confusing labyrinth passages that surrounded every major station.  At the end, I became fluent with the subways system (with its competing and complementary train services) for Tokyo and Osaka, my two main base of operations, probably better than any of my other friends travelling in Japan.

3)  Financially prudent
It took me interactions with my friend in Tokyo, as well as her friends who came to visit to realise the kind of financial person that I am.  As much of a techie-geek that I am, in the never-ending search to build the best home theater system for my room, I have always balked at spending the insane amount of $ on the state-of-the-art, cutting edge stuff like Bose speakers.  I was blown away by the uber ultimate bachelorette pad she has created for herself, her penchant to spend on such extravagance without fully understanding its capabilities is beyond me.  I'm not judging her at all, rather it serves to reinforce the kind of person that I am, or at least the financial standing.  Another incident was when I met her room-mate's friends.  They were the true-blue tai-tais, and were discussing whether 20,000 was sufficient for the next day of premium outlet shopping.  My friend (and I) automatically assumed it was 20,000 yen (S$300), but they were referring to S$20,000 instead.  Our base point of reference was so completely off it got a little awkward then. 

Even if I had a hundred million dollars, I would think twice about spending such money.  I truly believe in Value-For-Money, and I will always have in mind a set (and modest) budget for discretionary purchases.  I'm so far off the bar from my friend (and the room-mate's tai-tai friends), but I know something.  I want to reach their level of financial standing, but not their level of extravagance. This sight has shown me how big the world is, and how far I am from the top, and it has fueled my passion and hunger to gun for it, a passion that has waned and died in the preceding years being throttled in Singapore's civil service.

4)  Willing to break barriers
Entering a hot spring full of naked men was definitely an, for lack of a better term, eye-popping experience.  I know inherently I will never feel completely relaxed in such an environment, but I have learnt to appreciate it, while minimising the associated awkwardness.  Onsen was an interesting experience, and it helps the body relax while washing in the minerals that the hot spring water provides, almost intoxicating like a drug.  Though I was initially very very reluctant to try it, I'm glad I went ahead with it (with the encouragement of my friends, of course, who incidentally added to the awkwardness of seeing friends naked and chatting nude in the hot spring).

Another aspect that I've learnt was that I am willing to open up myself and show my inadequacies.  In Japan, by myself, I was always lost, always in a foreign area in a foreign language.  I've put down my pride, and basically asked anyone and everyone for directions, for assistance, for guidance.  The best way to learn by yourself is by making mistakes, but the fastest way to learn is by admitting your lack and approaching others.  So what if they only understood Japanese and your only phrase was "eigo ga wakadimasu ka?" (Do you understand Japanese).  It doesn't matter.  Communications is more than just words.  It is action, it is situational, and most of the communication is unspoken.  But it does start with opening the mouth.  I sincerely hope that I will reinforce this trait back in office, and ask when I don't understand, and admit when I'm lost in a discussion.

5)  Independent, and co-dependence
It was an unplanned, un-coordinated, spontaneous trip.  By myself.  I know realise that I can do this easily.  In fact, I almost thrived on traveling by myself.  There's no commitment needed, there's no waiting, there's no disappointment in others, no blame, no consensus building.  It's just me, myself, and moi. I didn't need to do all the major sight-seeing places; sitting at a cafe, or lying on the grass in the meiji-koen, was holiday enough.  Didn't need to make sure my time was out all day and all night to fully utilize my holiday:  It was meant as a trip to find myself, and I didn't need to climb the highest mountain, cross the deepest gorge to do so.  I just needed to get away from the daily grind to see above the fray.  And I did.  Even if that meant that I needed to be on my guard constantly 24/7, with heightened senses and awareness.  It WAS tiring, but I know I can do it.

On the flip side, when I met my friends, I was happy too, coz I could let down my guard and relax and enjoy their company, as much as I enjoy my solitude.  This trip was wonderful as I could perfectly balance my need for company and my need to be solo.

6)  Self-discipline
Finally, the last aspect.  This part of me, I learnt from all my nightly conversations with a dear friend online.  I have set out all the things I want to achieve, but I have been lacking the self-discipline necessary to do so.  Instead procrastination comes so easily and so frequently, as well as the tendency to absolve myself of blame when I fail, citing situations, acts of Gods, etc.  But she showed me that the missing link was from within, and that once I create that self-discipline within myself, I can achieve all that I want, and more.  This is probably the most essential and most important part of me that I treasure from this trip, and I am truly grateful to her for showing me the way.  The fight is mine and mine alone, but you have shown me how to fight.  Thank you.

I'm so glad that I made this trip.  It was truly amazing and awakening.  I am happy.  Now I can go home.

To Japan, to find myself...

I'm going to Japan!  Tonight!  Haha!  Basically I haven't planned this trip, nor really thought about it hard, as I didn't expect this trip to materialize.  But life has an interesting way of making things work out.

So now i'm headed there, from 31 Mar - 12 Apr.  It will be 2 weeks of unplanned, spontaneous fun!  Am going to blog about it as much as I can.  So stay tuned!

There's a Kind of Hush....

Originally by the Carpenters, but I love the version by Engelbert Humperdinck!

(*) There's a kind of hush

All over the world tonight

All over the world

You can hear the sound of lovers in love

You know what I mean



Just the two of us

And nobody else in sight

There's nobody else and I'm feelin good

Just holding you tight



(**) So listen very carefully

Get closer now and you will see what I mean

It isn't a dream

The only sound that you will hear

Is when I whisper in your ear I love you

For ever and ever



There's a kind of hush

All over the world tonight

All over the world

People just like us are fallin' love



Repeat (**)

Repeat (*)

 

Thoughts again

Thoughts

There are two types of people. Those that hold you back, and those who push you to seek new heights.

Example of the former: My P6 teacher, back in ACJS. Anyone familiar with the PSLE streaming process, knows that just before the finals, one submits the list of Sec Schools to apply for. My parents made me apply for top SAP schools, believing I could make it. My teacher, upon seeing my choices, laughed out in front of the entire class, and said I was over-estimating my potential and that I should have for my affiliated Sec Sch instead. Left an indelible mark.

She's a prime example of those who care about "knowing your limitations". "Don't dream big, coz the bigger the expectation, the greater the disappointment." Perhaps they have gone thru some major upset in their lives, and want others to learn from their expectations.

Indeed, this type of persona exists in large concentrations here. Just work in any govt agency & you'll find a plethora of pessimistic opinions abound, poo-pooing any attempts for lofty aspirations. "They will never accept it. You don't understand the situation. You are still young and naive. YOU WILL LEARN SOON ENOUGH!"

They are also the types who would go out and ensure their predictions come true.

Living in such environment, one cannot help but get absorbed in the limitations, the pessimism masquerading as "realism". "Sorry, you just don't have enough experience. We prefer someone with 7 years of (irrelevant) experience." Capability has nothing to do with it.

 Soon, you'll echo similar emotions: "She's too good for me", "You'll never make it, so why are you trying?","Don't venture, stay home and safe". I've become a masquerade myself.

Then there is another.


To meet someone in life, who "has done it all" and still believes that there are no barriers, is simply astounding.  He is a leader in his field, a devoted family man, with strong religious roots, and serves his country above and beyond the call of duty.  His favorite phrase "For a caterpillar to become a butterfly, it needs to go into a cocoon.  In the chrysalis, the caterpillar literally breaks down to the molecular level, before it gets reformed and reborn into new possibilities as a butterfly!  From crawling about, to soaring high in the heavens". 


Little cynical me always chokes a little at this point, coz I simply can't buy into his belief on a sub-conscious level.  I'm, as he tells me, am shackled by the barriers and limits that my environment has imposed upon me. 

No, that's a lie, the barriers around me, I've imposed on myself.  Those limits to the possibilities, I shut off, coz I can no longer face the possibility of failure, of disappointment.

There are boundless possibilities, I am limited only to my own imagination.  I must return to the faith of my youth, and that so long as I believe it will happen, and I work hard enough at it, it will come true for me!  I will move from the former to the latter, and unshackle myself and live to the fullest!

Friends, believe in me also, as I believe in you!

Annual Ritual

My family usually bakes our Chinese New Year cakes, and this year is no different.  My mom's chocolate walnut cake is very well-liked, and we make it for our friends, relatives and neighbors every year.  In fact, even gave the recipe out to TPS' mom who wanted it after tasting the one I massacred about 2 weeks back.

Unlike that one though, today's cakes (There were four of them) came out fabulous!  Each one was not burnt, and the mixture was well-distributed throughout the entire cake.  Only one cake kind of cracked at the top, but still looked damn yummy.

It's fun baking this cake.  A lot of work, beating the egg white (separately) until it becomes a white foamy, fluffy mixture (texture is like the soap at those foam parties!).  Then the tasting of the raw ingredients (chocolate rice and walnuts taste damn good in cake batter mix!  The use of the satay stick to check if the cake is ready or not... et... and the smell...

Nothing, NOTHING beats the smell of freshly baked cakes.  And the chance to eat it immediately once it comes out of the oven: SHEER HEAVEN.  When the cake is still hot, and taking a bite into the moist, warm chocolate and walnuts, all the while inhaling the thick, intoxicating, chocolate-y scent.  All my diet plans just get blown away...

There are walnut cakes, and there are walnut cakes.  Heck, even Bengawan Solo distributes the walnut cakes as a standard gift for the baby's full month.  But it simply can't compare with home fare.  Coz each cake is really baked with loving care.  TLC IS one of the ingredients; machines just can't produce the same attention to detail, nor generate the same giddy anticipation as one waiting for the cake to come out of the oven!

That's why CNY is great!  Traditions, rituals, and the excuse to eat and eat and eat!

Happy Chinese New Year!

Thoughts about Stuff

One of the reasons why I joined this subsidiary back in Sep 08 was that I wanted to contribute to the creation of the perfect company, a chance to right the things that went wrong, a fresh new beginning, to make a difference.

Someone just provoked me to think of the stuff that needs to be done, to make sure the subsidiary (Child) does not suffer the same fate as the mother company (Mother).

Obviously not everything can be done in a single night. Will try to think as I go along.

1) Fire incompetent people
That's the first and foremost policy. The Mother is a government statutory board. This means CIVIL SERVICE, means *almost* lifelong employment, means seniority takes precedence over goodness of ideas, means jackasses hire other jackasses to safeguard their jobs, means playing politics so that they don't have to do work, means ceaselessly avoiding blame by delegating upwards/downwards. No matter how advanced or well-governed a country is by its bureaucracy, this will exist. Worst is when jackasses perpetuate themselves, and entrench themselves further and further.

Bosses feel disinclined to fire staff unless they commit a large enough boo-boo; means small, multiple, repeated boo-boos are tolerated. The incompetents just plod along, and their job scope get smaller as bosses and staff go around them to get work done. They sit there and wait for end of workday, and scoot off. All the cares of the company ignored.

They are leeches! Apart from the undeserving pay, they suck the life out of the other motivated staff who work hard but have no chance to rise coz their paths are block by the leeches. What happens is that the good ones leave when their growth is stunted, leaving the bad ones proliferating and thriving in this environment. It promotes a culture of sloth, of covering your asses, of not daring to make decisions and always looking upwards. They care more about procedures, coz that's a safe haven, something that will never go wrong, that's "By the Book".

I can see the leeches festering in the Child, just as it had with the Mother. Once the leeches attain critical mass, the body is beyond salvation. The solution is to identify these leeches (very simple exercise), and remove them as an example to the rest of the staff that unlike the Mother, incompetence is NOT tolerated. Only high performing members need apply, no free loaders allowed to taint their purity.

I know it sounds extreme, but it is necessary. It must be done immediately, for the Child is already suffering from the repeated blood loss.

Ode to Carrot Cake

carrot cake,
carrot cake,
every evening i eat thee...

lotsa eggs,
black or white,
it looks happy to be ate by meeeeeee...

blosssoms of cai po make you bloom and grow,
bloom and grow,
even faaaattter

carrot cake,
carrot cake,
bless your yummy sweet taste foreverrrrrrrrrr!

Am I Lost, or Do I Know Exactly Where I Am Heading?

Yesterday, I went down to the nearby coffeeshop to buy dinner for my family. While waiting for my food to cook, I walked over to the nearby 7-11 to browse a little. Along the way, I saw this couple...

You might say, that they were any other couple around, perfectly ordinary couple in fact. They were just sitting, no, squatting in front of the local hair salon. Rather plump and mature couple, I would say, and a couple that was completely lost in the miracle that is ... their PSPs.

Can you just visualize the scene:

They looked about 30+ years old. In their normal, drab even, tees and shorts, squatting outside the local hair salon, and playing their PSPs. They each had one, and were not in fact talking to each other. Maybe they were playing against each other, maybe not. That's how they had spent at least 20 minutes of their Sunday evening.

They didn't actually look happy; they just felt like that to me. A couple, content with their entertainment, huddled close to each other, with no longing for greatness, no incessant hunger for something more than what they had right now, no disappointment for their current body state...

Reminds me of my chats with this old friend of mine. Every half a year, we would meet up, and instantly the topic will revert to our laments how we are never satisfied with our lives, how we always aim for something more, how we are never truly happy. There is always something lacking, we would say, that keeps us from being content. It's the knowledge that there's something better out there, that's achievable, attainable, just a little out of our grasp.

So we live on, leading unhappy, unsatisfied, unmeaningful lives. And we meet up, and we lament, again and again. Perhaps, one day, we will be as blessed as the PSP couple, living happy, carefree, fulfilling lives without wont.

Not today...

Place I wanna go...

Poison Ivy - Kranji Countryside
Halia - Botanical Gardens
Bark Cafe - Upper Changi Road North
Garden Slug - Joo Chiat

Hurt my back...

Playing tennis with bj & jh on saturday evening. Didn't realize how bad it was until I tried, agonizingly to climb into bed... 10 mins spent bent over, with the muscular spasms coming in unrelenting waves. Couldn't stand back up, couldn't climb back in.

Haven't had this problem in such a long time! The last time I hurt so bad, it was at a skating rink. I fell completely backwards, but instead of falling on my big fat bum, like every other average guy attempting to ice-skate, I felt directly on my back bone area. Complete impact... Afterwards I couldn't walk properly.

This time around, I could walk, even walk quite fast, but I have trouble during transition; standing to sitting, standing to lying. Sigh, can't exercise, can't move about much, all I can do is eat... and eat and eat and eat...

It's ok, it's just a minor setback! I will do it, now that I have a reason to do it! :) More about that another time...